Welcome to the Divorced Not Dead…
This is it, the first blog of the website. The blog that will sit forever alongside the official launch of the Divorced Not Dead business and I feel as though I ought to be sharing some words of wisdom; some insight to what I have learnt along the way since splitting from my ex husband just 8 years ago and setting up the Facebook page.
What I think I have learnt is that there is no one size fits all solution, no definitive timeline and tick box exercise that will guide you through whatever your personal situation is, be it divorce, separation or loss. I wish there was. And the reason is simple. We are all different. Our stories are all filled with different chapters and the sequel to volume one of our lives, may see us all starting out navigating the next installment as a singleton following a long term relationship, but beyond that ....who knows?
In part it can be scary, daunting and overwhelming, but what I do know is that volume two really is totally unwritten and therein lies the beauty of it. The adventures and characters that become part of our future story can be more amazing than we ever imagined.
I'm not saying it is a piece of cake, but the reality is that the 19 year old that I was when I first met my now ex-husband has gone. That person has grown and changed and would have done so, even if I had not been in that relationship for 27 years…because that is just part of life.
Since initially setting up Divorced Not Dead, simply as a place for me to vent (initially set up anonymously, it allowed me to share, vent and cry when I needed a space - outside of my head, but which remained intrinsically mine) a community has slowly built from around the world.
They have laughed, cried and cheered me on. They have supported me in my darkest moments, when everything (including getting out of bed) seemed too hard and overwhelming. They have encouraged me, laughed with me and no doubt shaken their heads in disbelief at times, as I took my first tentative steps into the world of online dating.
They travelled with me to the other side of the world, rode the Indian Pacific across the Australian outback and trekked around Asia with me as I ticked off the items I had wanted to do for as long as I could remember. They cheered me on as I tackled mountains in Scotland, marveled at the beauty of Rome with me and gave encouragement when it took me more than 3 hours (and a lot of swearing) to swap out the LED display on my cooker…but I did it!
Along the way I have learnt so much and I am still continuing to do so. I hope that Divorced not Dead will help others to rediscover themselves and to write their next chapter, whatever it holds.
Divorce, separation or loss isn't the end of the story - it's simply the start of a different chapter. However you're finding your way through, take heart: there's life, laughter and plenty more to come.
Until next time,
Pamela
Divorced, not dead - still standing, still laughing, still me.